Parents: Ipad ban
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I put a ban on the iPad, iPod and social media in my home. My kids can't use them until the weekend. Now when I started this little experiment I wanted to see how things would go. I've got to be honest. We lasted about two weeks! Lol. I mean I noted things for about two weeks and them slowly we adjusted our habit. I noticed that we interacted more with each other. I guess that's what happens to trapped animals. As I have mentioned in one of my previous blogs I have been feeling concerned that humans are losing it. What are we losing? The ability to connect with ourselves and each other other. So you shouldn't be surprised that I try to make sure that my family tap into each other and that we experience connecting with each other whenever possible.
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Week one without the contraptions and I noticed that both my children slept far more than I think they realised. This either demonstrated that they were far more tired than they realised OR they were so bored that they had to go to sleep to get away from their 'boredom'. I would like to think that it was the former but I guess mothers always tend to see the brighter side. I guess its our children's role in life to make us feel even more guilty than we already feel. Parenting isn't about getting the love you think you didn't get from your own parents. I think it's about guilt. Pure and simple. How you manage that guilt is down to you.
One of my children told me that I had spoilt her social life because her friends could not connect with her on Instagram. I heard that and it went in one ear and out the next. She marched upstairs huffing and puffing. What did I do? I ignored it. Since they are only allowed one social media access I guess I can accept that comment as true. Alright they also have what's-app but that isn't the one she was yelling about. i mean she nearly blew a fuse and I watched her and let her get on with it. For God's sake it has only been a few days I thought. I also thought just how much she was taking for granted. I can't believe that I am actually going to say it but "in my day" I could have never shown my mother that I was going to blow a fuse. The rule in my mother's house was that children were to be seen and not heard. What the heck was social media anyway. Back then that would have been the VCR and my mother was in control of that!
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I get it that we want our parenting to be different for our children but to be honest there were somethings that didn't cause us any harm ( yep corporal punishment was in schools back then and in my home too but that isn't this blog so I won't go into it). My mother had clear boundaries & expectations. This has been something that I have seen work time and time again with children and young adolescents. You can still love your children and be clear in your boundaries. Just don't expect me to accept you cursing me and outright disrespecting me. its not acceptable.
My children have stared at me with open mouthed when they have seen some children answer their parents back. We have witnessed this when we have been at the supermarket or should i call it 'our light entertainment zone'. We have even seen children arguing with their parents in front of people. I am not saying this couldn't happen to me but all I would do is either become quiet or leave the shop (yes without the child....Pause....Well with the child then). Either way I would have unbalanced my children. They would now be left to fill in the blanks and what they come up with in their heads is far worse than what the law allows. What they have to understand is that I don't give a shit what others may think or say because when I deal with them I deal with them. Remember my children have already grown up with clear boundaries and expectations. I have been consistent around this matter and I know I didn't stutter.
A funny thing that I remember is that fact that people, in that same supermarket, have stared at me and my children when we've got to the check out and been packing our
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Clear boundaries and expectation.
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| rustysign3 byTACLUDA@Rgbstock.com |
There are some things that I am clear about. You don't work a job so for you school is your job. Therefore I expect you to do your school work. A couple of other expectations are;
1) when you wake up spread your bed. That really means put your duvet over your bed,
2) When you come in from school take off your uniform, hang it up and throw the dirty clothes in our wash basket and then SHOWER.
3) Now you are a little more relaxed start any homework you have been given ahead of its deadline. You know that I don't do well when you panic and rush to complete homework. If you don't want to hear all the old cliches come out of my mouth ( i.e. nagging) manage your time better (stilling working on it but you know my expectation)
4) I expect dinner dishes to be washed and no I'm not buying a dishwasher because we have one child to wash and the other to rinse while I can dry (or whatever the order we can all work together to clean up)
5) While you may watch TV there are specific programmes that we do not watch you know them so I don't have to list them.
6) Finally when it is time for bed please go. You already know the arguments that I have stated abut your body needing the time to rest etc but if you need this reinforced I have no problems ensuring that you understand the very clear boundaries and expectations that I have. Now that you are older you know that I have become more flexible and now refuse to wake you up should your patten of lateness impact upon your ability to wake up in time to get to school. Remember my expectation is that you still eat breakfast before you leave this house or factor in how you can get something to eat that will give you the energy required to be ready to engage in your learning throughout the day. NB: Do not let your teacher tell me that you are not ready for learning because you don't want me to cuss you in front of your teacher and you know they can't handle an assertive black woman.
I sit here as a testimony to having clear boundaries and a true sense of survival. My mother didn't mess. If she said she was going to do something she did it. When she said do such and such you did it. When she said ' don't make me come to the school because I will beat you in front of your friends'. She was not kidding. When I tell friends, who do not share the same culture as me, this story they take great pleasure in telling me that they would have called the police. I used to look at them thinking that they were actually out of their cotton picking minds. Call the police on who? So while I have no intention of going to my children's school to do as my mother had threaten she would do to me. My kids don't know that.
Week two without the contraptions saw one child still sleeping far more and eventually coming down with a cold. The body must have been seeking some time to recover The youngest child had come home from school stating they had now read their tenth books! I had seen them reading two books but it was a good start. After week two I gave up tracking and life got in the way with other things that I needed to give attention.The summer holidays month arrived sooner than I cared to remember and it messed up any routine I tried to establish. My mother arrived for the summer and like most grandparents she had come to spoil her grandchildren and she wanted to be taken care of. There also comes a time when it is clear that you just have to let it slide (for the summer anyway)
We have now started a new term of school, grandparents have gone and I have set us another challenge. Yes limited social media contact continues for the children but now the TV isn't the first thing we switch on when we come into the house. Wish me luck
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