First Day at School

So summer has come to a close and a new academic year a waits. Keep calm. Don't panic. All I know is that a new season has arrived in my house. I venture into a new realm called self-employment and both of my children will now be at secondary school. My youngest started today.    Yesterday as I was driving to work I saw parents walking along the streets with young children in what were obviously brand new uniforms crisp and neat. Some posed for pictures outside the school gates. Some walked hand in hand or swinging hands with a spring of expectation in their step. The beginning of heavy traffic and double parked cars were evident.  Smiling to myself I thought that in less than 24 hours my youngest would be entering the gates of her new school.

I know as parents we hope so much for them. I'm torn between thinking of the freedom I can now enjoy. I don't have to be torn between getting this one ready and then that one. No more taking one child to nursery and the other to primary school. No more juggling the children and their routines. Now they were both going to be at the same school. Now they could keep each other company on the journey to school.  I'm just so happy that things can run a little smoother. I get lost in all my thoughts and then I remember. This is my baby. My baby is going to secondary schools. I really don't know what I can do. I mean I want her to grow up.  Yes I really do but sometimes I thing I want to protect her so much because at the end of the day she's got to deal with the stereotypes of the teachers, deal with the kids that probably want to bully her. She's got to fight her own battles and these are the things I really hadn't thought of: her doing this on her own.  Driving to work and seeing the pride on parents faces. They seem so proud that their children are going into the education system. I mean don't get me wrong. I'm glad my daughter is too but at the same time I realise just how scared I am for her because I really won't have much input.  Well that's a lie if anyone knows me they know I will watch out and query things. Rambling thoughts aside ……my baby's going to secondary school in less than 24 hours. 

We took her to school this morning and boy ….. it was really weird she did not want me to take photos of her or to kiss her and I was…..peeved! I thought to myself Oh my God my baby's going to school and I wanted to be… I mean I didn't want to embarrass her but at the same time I wanted to let her know I understood she was scared.   Yeah I knew she was scared. It was her first day and she didn't know what to expect. I tried to act like it was just another day. Tried not to tap into her fear and show her the positives. I mean when I looked around at other people I could see some of their kids had been crying or was tearful and were trying to hold it together while others seemed really excited.  My eldest daughter was upset because she said I didn't take her to her first day of school and yet I was now doing this for my youngest. 

  I remembered when I was working where I was working … as a manager. I felt it was more difficult to take time off work to take my eldest child to school. I missed it! I let my mum do it because she was here (she doesn't live here) and I let her do it because I felt that letting one of the elders do it was better than no body.  My daughter told my mother that that nobody took her.  That hurt me. It's very difficult being a mother with more than one child and having to balance what you're doing with one because you definitely need to do it for the other. I suppose they will always feel that one is being treated better than the other.  So I suppose what I try and do is be honest and just talk. I say this is what I'm trying to do and I'm trying to do the best that I can. This is the best that I can do right now. They're lucky…. my mother never talked to me like that. 

Anyway she is in school and I will find out later how her day went. I will go to work and when I come home I will listen to her day and hope that everything went well for her. It's the beginning. I'm glad I'm here today because some people are not. Some people aren't gonna see their child's first day or answer the questions that they might have. Some people aren't around to give their children advice or guidance. Some people aren't around to be frustrated, angry or peeved because they are no longer with us.  So all in all I am blessed.