I am sure you know your TIME is too expensive to waste. Don't you?

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 Last night I was busy having a really good time at L's  birthday celebration. I found myself speaking to one of her friends and we really hit it off.  Before you get any ideas she and I found we had a lot in  common and talked for ages.  I know I should have been drinking more than talking but believe me I was doing both: talking and drinking.  The more I drank the more talking that happened. Anyway we talked about so many things but what resonated with me was this theme. The idea that we know  when we've chosen the wrong person to be involved with.  We really do know. All we have to do is listen to ourselves. What we tend to do is ignore that gut feeling and instead think that we can change whoever we happen to be  involved with. All they need is for us to show them. Yeah right.

In fact if we had listened to ourselves in the first place we might have prevented ourselves from learning the lessons that we eventually find ourselves experiencing.  In her case one relationship lasted a year and within the  first few months she knew that she had taken on too much. I really related to this because that is something I have done all too often and I  know I'm not the only one. 

Why can't we trust the vibes we get and realise that our energy isn't wrong?

Time is short, or should I say it’s precious. That said it therefore follows our time is expensive.  Actually TIME is our luxury item. Our high end product.  A few years, while on holiday, I treated myself to an original Louis Vuitton bag. It cost money. My one high end purchase. Ask me how many times I have taken it out of its protective bag and used it? If that is how I treat a bag shouldn't I rethink how I use my time? 

When  I was in my teens, early to late twenties I gave up so much of my time. When boys/men  used to hail me I never gave them the time of day. I kept my head straight and carried on walking. Eventually they started to say that I was rude. So I stopped to say hi just to prove that I was better mannered then that. But what happened was I got way laid. Taken off task and their sweet talking sometimes led me into  Sh**tsville.

My desire not to appear rude helped me to waste some time. I got into some relationships and I stayed in some  to teach him that he could do better by being with me, OR to prove that I could show him the way, OR that I was the best sexy thing he was ever going to have, OR that I could show him how to start up his business,  OR find his true life path, OR if others turned their backs on him I would not and the list goes on.  

The reality is that  I stopped listening to myself. Surrendered my life to show 'him' his. All the time not realising that I was losing mine. It was wrapped up in what I thought was love. But somewhere in all that there were times that I knew it was too much. EVENTUALLY I realised I couldn't go on rescuing. There is only so much that you can give and so long you can keep giving. There is only so much you can do to run away from what really needs sorting: YOU. Sacrifice is good if you know what you are sacrificing. But sometimes being a LIVING sacrifice is not an easy as you think .

Being a grown man's surrogate 'mother ' is not attractive. Somewhere in my spirit I knew that I  should have walked away from some of my relationships far sooner. I shouldn’t have begged him to stay with me. I shouldn’t have bent myself out of shape hoping I would fit some invisible mould so they  would accept me. They didn't and the wounded walked on.

Giving you 2 years of my time, when I was younger  didn't seem like anything.  Now that I’m in my so called middle passage 2 years seems like a long long time. If you don't get me. If I am not right for you just,  faults and all, let’s just part ways. I don't have the years to spend on helping you to accept me for who I am. I don't have the energy to play the games anymore. I’d rather  spend the time on getting to know and accept me more. I want to enjoy time. Open myself up so that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I AM ENOUGH. JUST AS I AM

I got sent a Youtube link via Whatsapp titled "5 Keys to Identifying your Soul mate".  I'm not even gonna bother going into why I think it was sent needless to say divine timing. Anyway I watched it all the way to the end and the main message I received was that I want to continue to get right with me. The presenter posed a good question "How can you hope to attract someone you think will make you whole when you are broken" All you attract is broken and I have had enough of that.   I can't fix him because I am too busy learning about who I am so that I I want to spend time in my own company in fact I want to date myself.  That's it ! 

 Am I broken? Well I think the truth is this… We all have a scratch or two somewhere on our vinyl . How bad they are will depend on whether, we are so scratched that, we cannot be played anymore or whether it's a bump in the groove but the rhythm can still plays on. 

I'm busy trying to hone in on what is my purpose, Where is my bliss and how can I learn to live in it more and more so that life is more fulfilling and happy. Nothing's wrong with friends: male or female.   I met a kindred spirit last night and it felt so good to be in that company.  

If I'm going to talk logically then the reality is that TIME  is a precious precious thing.  I  really don't want to spend time to waste on dealing with your stuff when you should be dealing with it. My new found friend told me she had taken control of her exes children, home, finance and problem solved for him when in fact he should have taken the reigns of his life for himself.  I have met many women, including me, who have done this. If women do all this why should men see us as worthy enough. Wouldn't you just take that person for granted?  If  we are giving him everything he needs without him giving us anything why invest in us? I mean if a man can have all his needs met why even bother to show you that you are worthy of much more.  

I like what Toure Roberts says about the early stages of a new found 'friendship'. Yes  there is chemistry, attraction and if you are really listening you already know if this is something you want to explore further. How? It's the little signs. It is the aftertaste that is left. The taste you feel in your subconscious.  Sometimes you might find yourself leaving them and feeling lifted up. Other times you leave them feeling low. You might not feel like you have been heard or they show you that they think your ideas/thoughts are dumb. The more sophisticated men don't show themselves up until a few dates but believe me they too show up.  If you only listen and check in with how you feel. Trust it and act.

I am worthy, my new found friend is worthy,  we are all worthy of being with someone who speaks to our spirits. What is the sign?  Let’s start with effortless, comfortable and the fact he shows you that he honours who you truly are. What if we try not to look for partners but  focus on making ourselves right with ourselves. What do we think might happen? Whatever…wouldn’t it be nice to be busy loving ourselves just as we are?