How hard is it really to find a partner?

How hard is it to meet a potential companion? Notice I didn’t say boyfriend because the women I know would say they are definitely not interested in 'boys'. So how hard is it to meet a man who you would like to date especially when you hit a certain age?  I’m talking about 39 years upward. I guess we, people of that age, kind of fall into certain categories; Those  coming out of long term relationships, those who have never been married or those who've been single waiting to  find the ‘right ‘ person. I know there are other categories but for the sake of a never ending blog I'm going to stop right there. 

So for those of us who have re-joined the dating scene the lick now seems to be using the Internet and on-line dating sites. I guess I have to admit it is way more common  than   I thought.  Last Saturday I went to a friend’s wedding. He's in his early 40’s and had been searching to find someone he could settle down with. He met his lady on a dating website and within a year of meeting they were engaged and eight months later married. Another, friend of a friend, recently married the partner she had also found on a dating website.  I assume something must be working. Yet why are there women who cannot find a partner let alone get a date with an eligible man?

The though is puzzling but i guess it will not come as no surprise to you when I tell you that recently I helped a friend sign up to one of these on-line  dating websites. I have tried to sign her up to one before but to be honest it felt like hard work! This time was no exception. Initially it was a bit of a head ache and it remained that way for some time. We tried to think of some eye catching profile based on truth and not fantasy. It took nearly an hour to complete the blasted profile, answering all their questions , and nearly took as long trying to upload her pictures!  Ok we were fuelled by sleep deprivation, after a meal and a couple of drinks, but none the less does it take so long to fill out a form and upload some pictures? Well yes it did. I think her Wi-Fi has a lot to answer for (not the bottle of rum or coke).

Anyway prior to venturing along this pathway we checked out some pictures and profiles just to check that there might be some eligible men of interest. One particular  gentleman caught our eyes ( I had to keep reminding myself that we were looking for someone for her and not me. That was so funny all in itself).  So there we were regarding some men of interest and I guess the issues surrounding creating her profile soon paled into insignificance. We were actually filled with playful glee at the prospect of responding to some men we had seen. By 05.20 we were ready to add pictures. By 6.30 they had uploaded. Remember I told you this was a long process. The fact we didn’t start until 3.30 - 4am didn’t help!  

Once the profile had finally uploaded we got all excited and went back into our search to find the men who had initially sparked an interest. Strangely we couldn’t find them. Yes you heard correctly. Initially we searched and searched but they were not on the site. Now the on line service didn’t require men to be on line at the time of searching but hell we started to wonder. Thank God we were looking with two pairs of eyes because if it was me alone I would have begun to doubt my powers of observation! 

Ok after another drink, some laughter and tears we got down to some business of looking at what had been left for us to pick over.  Initial thoughts that I now recall were

1. shots of shiny head or part of a head -  helpful message alert - please please take time to put up a picture that enables women to see your face. We are not interested in the shine on your head (the reflection of the light bouncing off your head) . Although we liked bald heads what we really wanted to see was your face and smile. Due to  poor lighting we saw more shadows I was beginning to think we were shadow boxing!  Now my eyesight isn’t that poor but even I couldn't make out their features. If your body was all I was interested in then a high percentage of you were cast to the side. 
2. Body Builders -What is it about body building? There is only so much muscle some women can take. I think there should be a body building site for those who know that they eat the content of my daily rations in their breakfast setting. If you want a woman with that type of discipline and abs then a specialised site is required.   I might be saying that because my waist line could be their chest size! Anyway moving swiftly on 
3. Spitting out their truths - some profiles we read seemed really rude. One said "if you're overweight don't bother contacting me" while others stated clearly if you wanted to date them you had better be prepared to pay for the date, their company and ... you get my drift. Don't even ask me what website it was because I don't  have money for any court cases. 
4. Lie about your age - please don't do this when your picture clearly shows that it was either taken during the 80's or you stopped taking pictures during that era. 
5. if i say - if i say I'm looking for a particular type of man from a particular back ground why the hell are you (you being the website suggestions) insisting on throwing up all those I'm not attracted to?

All that said we still had a  great time. By  7 am she had around 9 people who had viewed her profile. But really by that time my eyelids had given up the fight and I promptly feel asleep on the sofa. I eventually found my way home.  Mashed (tired  for those who don't know what I'm referring to).  I was contacted with updates and pictures of men who were reaching out. But my need to recuperate was much stronger than my need to check out the next profile. 

I have been thinking ever since how do we cope? I wonder how may lonely people there are out there searching for companionship. Some succeeding while others are failing time and time again. I guess single people have to do some soul searching. Are we really ready for love or are we just enjoying the thrill of the chase? Should we stop looking for others to fulfil our desires and wants? Should we actually  focus on learning to love and accept ourselves as we are before we seek to inflict ourselves on others? How can you really love someone if your not ready to have a romance with yourself? Can we forget the list of the things we won't settle for and instead learn to be thankful for where you are and what we have? Can we create  a state of appreciation for what you have and what is to come? Believe me sometimes the thing you want so badly disappears because you are trying to hold onto it so tightly it disappears. if we let it go you might just be surprised by what comes into your life effortlessly.

instead of looking for a partner looking  for some meaningful friendships might be the answer. These may just open doors to your heart and healing preparing you for the next level of relationship in your life.  So where are we now? Well she has decided to keep and update her profile on the site for for a month. She has set herself a goal of one date and she remains open to the process.  Well a ladies got to eat! As for me I am sure I will write an update sometime in the future. Who knows I could be buying a hat.