Are we losing our connection with others?

Ok the title suggests that I might be talking about dating connections. Well ....... (paused and thinking)...........Sorry not this time. Lol

I can't  believe that I've not posted a blog for some time? You must think I'm gonna tell you that I found connection with  someone special hence the silence. Sorry to disappoint. It's much simpler: WiFi and computer problems amongst other things. I will fill you in on what's been happening in other blogs. For now I will leave that there and say I am  glad to be reconnected AND  that I am currently borrowing my teenage daughter's laptop. Yep you can see what's coming .. I'll see how long that'll last. LOL.

Anyway what I really wanted to talk about was that I feel we are losing that which makes us just a little more human. I'm talking about our daily real life interactions with people. I feel concerned that  people are not connecting with each other on a daily basis. Yes all the apps are great and 'they' say it helps us to keep in touch. I agree when they are free its all good. Like many I keep in touch far more with my family, who life abroad, because of Skype, Whatsapp, instagram etc and the fact that they are 'free' is a real bonus. I think I'm just feeling deeply that we aren't connecting with others in a personal sense. By that I mean connecting with the people that live in our own homes, our streets or our neighbourhood. It's beginning to feel  'normal'  to ignore people who are right in front of us. It's beginning to feel just a little bit scary.  

 For instance when someone stops their car at the zebra crossing, so that we can  cross the road,  we used to signal a thank you now you're lucky if they even acknowledge you. We used to say thank you if someone  held the door open for us to walk through  but now when it happens you're lucky if they acknowledge what you did! Waiting at the bus stop and allowing others to get on before you used to result in some smiles and thank you now it just feels like 'animals are rushing to eat the last remains and if you say something the 'pack' wants to turn on you. 

Tube travel in the mornings is depressing. People bury their faces into newspapers, books, iPhone games and really seem just that little bit terrified to look up and smile. Some people seem so scared to smile back frightened that they might just have a conversation! The other  day I had to travel for a meeting. I took the train. I had to miss about 4 trains because they were so packed and the thought of pushing myself up underneath someone's arm pit didn't fill me with any pleasure. However when I looked at my watch I knew that I had to make a move. When the next train came and no one made a move to create space I had to tell them to move inside and make way ( can you imagine) . The crowd did this ( just a little ) and I ended up jammed against the door behind a gentleman with his suitcases. At the next stop people got off and this created some space for us to adjust and breath. I looked at  him and we smiled and spoke with each other. We shared our thoughts, laughed and when I got off he said goodbye . I smiled. We smiled. That was it and in that brief moment it felt good to connect. It made the walk along the platform seem brighter and the morning too.

I  recently read that  the supermarket chain Morrisons have decided that self service checkouts were now  an unwanted item in their stores. Apparently customers complained. It seems that the drone voice and constant blips, that it doesn't recognise the items  scanned, had p***d people right off. Reportedly customers are worried that they will hold up queues in stores waiting for staff to override machines or that they are worried about being double scanned for items amongst other things.  The  article reminded me of a conversation that a friend and I had just a week or so ago about the invisibility of customer service.  In fact the invisibility of people!  

A week ago myself and friends took our children out for a fun day. We went swimming visiting a leisure centre in another borough just to experience something different. On the way we  popped into a local chain store  that has opened up across the road from the train station. Now yes the store is convenient but  this makes the third store along the road from the same chain! A little over kill but I digress. When we quickly picked up our sandwich deals there were only self service check outs to scan and run. When we got to the station there were no guards whom we could ask any advice or query about our tickets we just did the automated oyster card thing and ran through. When we got the swimming bath we did have interaction with a receptionist and thank God because they helped us to get a deal on all of us entering. Now if that was an automated service it wouldn't have gone that way.

A lot of our banks have now installed machines to do much of the load but that personal touch is missing. The buses used to have two staff manning it: one drove the bus while the other was called a conductor who collected your fare and gave you a ticket. During this exchange there was banter! Then they got rid of the conductor and had the driver do both. Now we do not need to talk to the drive because we have the oyster card. I can see in the future if they can get away with a robot driving we will be doomed.

Recently my 11 year olds' oyster card had a line through it due to her bending it. The oyster has child photo ID so you could check that the person using it is the person on the photo. She got on the bus and because the machine couldn't read her travel card the driver told her that she had to get off the bus! In the morning when she had experienced the same problem the driver looked at her. Do you hear what I am saying? The driver looked at her saw her picture ID and her school uniform and allowed her to travel. However on her way home another driver saw all this and told her to get off the bus and walk because the card wasn't reading. I was mad because this was a child travelling and just suppose something had happened to her because of this action? Where was the drivers humanity in this situation?

Now I was mad as hell when she told me and I rang up the customer service people. I wanted to check their procedures for some clarification, to complain  about what ifs and eventually had to comply by replacing the card.When you call up customer service its more often automated. That in itself is frustrating as hell. When the automated message asks you to speak, then it  cannot recognise your words is another issue, believe me there are times I feel like I want to throw the phone across the room. The only thing stopping me is that it's my phone and I would have to replace it!You can't argue with a machine, you can't ask for directions or even laugh with a machine. It's either black or white nothing in between. When the bank machine eats your card you are just stuck. When the machine cannot read your oyster you can't travel. When you are lonely who do you talk to? What if you don't have a social network of people you can call, visit or go out with who are you going to talk to?

I began to think about another issue. Where do we get the chance to practice our social skills? Where do we get the chance to engage with another human being, look in their eyes and smile. Connect. My friend works in a school and commented that children are losing the skill of interacting with each other and believe me it shows. Recalling my teaching days I remember one department that I  initially worked in. It was called the IT department (they call it some other name  now) and there I witnessed  people who preferred to deal with items that did not speak back. People didn't have to bother with learning the art of true conversation. They had the computer to act out all their needs. When it  came to doing class exercises that required them to work in groups or as part of a team it was like waiting for a stone to bleed!  Now I'm not against technology. I am using technology now. However things should be in balance. I think what I'm eluding to is the sense that we are dehumanising and becoming desensitised to the needs of people. Then you wonder why some people behave in antisocial ways.

We are struggling to balance technology and the skills needed to be connected human beings. We are becoming people who prefer to video things with our phones or who see the world through our phones. I see where in some cases recording life using our phones can be good, funny, enjoyable, enlightening,  a cause for justice and informative however in other cases it can be  just plain bad. How can you justify recording an incident that gets out of hand and not actually say/do something? Alright I get it if you fear for your life but some stuff?  

 Do you know children already know that they are  finding  it harder to get along with other people?  Ask them. Some are losing the art of  negotiation. Some stay silent while others can only lash out at others. When fights used to happen there was a lot of talking or cussing before you actually got physical. Now an attack just happens and you wonder where it came from. Young people are not taught how to handle their emotions and the fall out that I am seeing doesn't look pretty. It doesn't look pretty when the adults around them are modelling an inability to talk, connect, reason, negotiate or express their emotions  showing that they care.

Have we lost the ability to understand that its not what we see on television that is real. No amount of reality TV is going to replace the basic good feeling we experience when we help to make someone else's day a little brighter. Remember a time when you were given a compliment, praised for doing something that you might have thought was insignificant or when you did something that made someone else just smile. I think I'm looking for more  opportunities to do that. To just give a little back to someone to brighten their day. No big gestures. No trying to blow my trumpet or draw attention. I guess I'm just gonna try and be thoughtful. Spread a little connectivity. What say you?