Welcome to 2015

Welcome to a new beginning, a fresh start and new adventures ahead. I know there are some things I will look
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forward to whilst some others will fill me with fear. If anything 2014 proved to me that I am a survivor. Some things have gone my way while others have not. That’s life I'm afraid. Some things I liked while there were others that I didn't like. Some things I handled well while others I wished I had handled better. One thing that I can rest assured will happen is that things will change. Why? Because life changes and I have changed too. I know that some of the changes that lay ahead will be embraced while others I may want to resist. None the less change will come. 

I celebrated my birthday yesterday and what might have filled me with dread earlier on in the year was not the reality that I had imaged.  I witnessed an outpouring of love. For the first time, in a long while, I recognised it and embraced it. It felt incredible! I felt like whatever had been blocking me from seeing it before had been taken away and I was able to see, feel and receive it. I felt humbled and cherished. I  was under a spotlight of love. Usually in the past I have tried to stay away from the spotlight. I have usually felt  uncomfortable and unworthy. I have often tried to turn the attention onto something else or someone else. But yesterday I sat in it, felt it, received it and l slept in it.  It felt so good to rest in that place? I don't know why I have been running from it for so long! It felt good to be with me. Do you understand what I mean? This feeling filled me with such love and acceptances that I was compelled to shared it. When I shared it I even felt more! If this is how it feels to receive and stand in this outpouring then bring it on!

Zela@rgbstock.com
I didn't plan anything for my birthday, frustrating some of my friends, but felt I wanted to allow the day to unfold with no expectations. By midday my Facebook had blown filled with messages and I was astonished. On one level it felt incredible!  Of course I am English so set about thanking everyone whilst thinking it was over. I received some money gifts and went out to get a little pampered. Unexpectedly a friend came to join me bringing laughter and gifts. I'm smiling now just remembering how we belly laughed with each other, at each other and at life. By the time I came home I was high from the laughter and joy. My phone had been blowing up all day with texts, whatapp, viber messages and so much more and I felt good from within.  Let me say that again. I felt good from within. Then my laptop started making noise and when I looked at where the noise was coming from I soon realised it was my Facebook alerts. When I opened it up there were so many more messages from all over the world, friends, family and well-wishers. I was overwhelmed. I spent time on  Facetime with my mum and children and felt so privileged that I was in this time and space and able to receive their expressions of love. My mother is some kind of wonderful, My youngest is a beautiful being and my  eldest shared something she had written from her heart which I received in mine. To know you are truly loved and accepted is better than any tonic, drug, music, man (yes I said it) because it fills your soul. 

 I am going to say it again: To know you are  truly loved and accepted is better than any tonic, drug, music or man (yes I said it) because it fills your soul. 

Where do I sit knowing that change is coming?  Well if 2014 is anything to go by as I said already  I am a survivor.  I know that I will not walk the path of 2014 again. I am glad that I walked that path. There have been times when I feared that I might not reach the end but here I am in 2015. Don't get me wrong there have been challenges but when you have support, or when you allow yourself to be supported, it is amazing what happens.

Being 'strong' doesn't mean you have to carry everything alone. Being 'strong' means that you know when you actually need help and that you are not afraid to say 'I need help'. Being 'strong' is recognising that it’s not all about how you are going to do it but about how it is going to get done. Sometimes things get done when you move out the way. Being 'strong' is about allowing others to share their gifts with you to make yours and their world better. Being 'strong' is knowing when to let go. 

I learnt some of the above last year and I know that in the coming year  I will be challenged to practise this even more. 

My New Year's wish is to have my soul filled for 2015 feeling good from within. I know you (meaning 2015) have some surprises for me but ready or not here I am. My wish for you reading this blog is that 2015 is the year when your soul is filled with what will make you whole.

Orange butterfly by Zela@rgbstock.com
Happy New Year! 

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