Reflections: Goodbye & Hello

It's not often we get the chance to prepare for a new phase in our lives. Sometimes we weave from one change to another with ease.  Other changes appear long and complicated leaving us wondering when it will pass. Long suffering. I'm not talking about buying a car, house or little gadgets that we spend time researching or buying on impulse when the mood takes us. Sometimes things happen so rapidly in our lives that we can just about breath (Exhale). When you get the opportunity to see an ending or new beginning, how you deal with it can make all the difference.. 

Today I finished working for a company.   

On the surface I appeared calm. I planned to slip away unnoticed but the people  in the team, and the wider office, had other ideas. I really didn't expect them to catch me out like they did. I  was trying get out the office but then they descended down the office to my desk. OMgosh no where to hide. I was  presented with a lovely parting gift (see below), some kind words and hugs (oh and lovely wine). It made me realise how important it is to say goodbye and to accept that others want to say words of appreciation and their goodbyes too.  My part in this is to graciously accept. So Thank You. 

Lovely flowers and beautiful cards (especially the wishes)

The team  members worked  hard, cared about the outcome and left behind new schools for a new generation  of learners. I was meant to work with this team and organisation. This experience aligned with my core values and I was happy in the work that I did. It helped to confirm for me that all too often people (including me)  take on work that  does not align with our true core values. When this happens we are not happy or free to be ourselves but become just a fraction of who we really can be. Now not all of us are lucky enough to find work that allows us to follow our passions. Sometimes we find work that allows us to tap into some of our passions and the rest we pursue outside of work. Sometimes we are consumed by our passions and find it hard to create a balance in our lives and whilst we excel in one area we appear to fail in another. 

When my previous post became redundant and I left the organisation  I struggled to find a balance. What now? Where do I go? Who do I work for? How do I balance work and home life with 2 young children in the throes of their transition from primary to secondary school?  Will my personal life survive? How do I  survive? What do I really need? All these and many more questions floated around my head and amongst people who wanted to know what I was going to do. How could I express to them what was going on in my head when I wasn't too sure myself? Back then I knew one thing. I had reached an age where some employers preferred  to use youth over experience. I wondered where  that would leave me? Leaving this post people  still wanted to know what I was moving on to. This time I replied " I'm open to new adventures. I will see where opportunities lead me. I will work but it has to be balanced so that I am available to my children as they pass through their middle passages known as secondary school and the teenage phase. " 

Prior to this job I had taken a year out (not by design I might add) and at first tried to pursue the work that I had just come out of. BUT I was not happy.  I was thinking about having to juggle full-time work and family. Before I even got to application stages for some posts I felt the same old angst and pressures. Did I really want to re-live what I had come out of? I didn't know what I wanted but I knew what I didn't want. How do you move forward into what appears to be nothingness? I got responsibilities! I got bills!  I remembered when I was amongst all the pressures that demanded decisions I called out to my  mother. She said many things but two thing she said were very clear.  Mum said  " if you're asking me to choose between having a daughter who is sick  and a daughter that is healthy.....between death and life  ....I choose alive and well". and  she said " I'm proud of you no matter what...." I was deeply affected.

So I am alive. Healing.  Now what should I do with my experiences and skills?

The post I temporarily filled was not management it was support. While I struggled with the notion of position and esteem in reality all jobs are supportive.  They provide a service. Service to the organisation or to people.  In this job I did both.  I dealt with everything from basic to complex, reviewing systems and redeveloping systems  and most of all I dealt with queries from parents who were making decisions about the future of their children's education. Providing a clear voice through this maze was very rewarding.  I am good at cutting through and getting to the point.  Whilst my  contract came to an end  I left knowing that my work was not over and so I am move into a new phase. 

How do I feel now? I have a sense of knowing. Where will I end up? We will see. I have decided to launch myself into the ocean of online.  My first step was to set up this blog. in hindsight i think i could have started this along time ago. But. we are w  Starting with my website BeverleyWong.com (no don't rush there its still under construction! It will be launched on Friday 10th October 2014).  My friend who is helping me with advice and encouragement has stated that I have to define how I am to be viewed  by others and  that my notion of letting the universe take me where it will is not prudent.  Reluctantly I have to agree that she has something there. So I will attempt to follow her advice and shape the boundaries but i have to be honest and tell you that i still feel the urge to just go with the flow.  I will not lock myself in ( I really can't bear ( or is bare?) to think that I have no choices. Those who know me will tell you this that its not my nature. I'm more of a 'free spirit'.  Makes me kinda wonder why I haven't taken this step before? Anyway we are where we are. Who am I ? I am Beverley, a mother, a teacher, an advocator, educationalist, a singer and more besides. 

Let me tell  you a quick story before I go (the full length version will come one day).  I went to a Brendan Burchard event in January 2014 and a woman came up to me stating that  she had an image for me. It was a Lotus flower.  I of course thought she was a little strange until I came home and looked up one of its meanings .....

"The lotus flower represents one symbol of fortune in Buddhism. It grows in muddy water, and it is this environment that gives forth the flower’s first and most literal meaning: rising and blooming above the murk to achieve enlightenment." http://buddhists.org.

You are welcome to come along on my journey . To witness it,  read my shared content, to  interact or to participate. The choice is yours .