Parents ...Damned if you do... Damned if you don't

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. 

You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." 

 Eleanor Roosevelt www.brainyquote.com

I've heard that quote many times but it wasn't until I became a mother that it had any real meaning for me. No one tells you that Motherhood/Parenthood is actually Guilt-hood! I felt  that guilt the first time  I brought my children home from the hospital. Coming home with my first child was overwhelming. So much so that I cried openly on the car ride home  thinking what had I done?  I forgot that I nearly died in labour and was lucky to be outside the walls of the hospital. Why was I bringing this child home into a sick world that was getting sicker every day. How the hell was I going to protect her?  I mean look at what they have on TV today! Some programme called  #Thepedopilehunter on Channel 4. I want to watch it so that I know what to look out for, so I can protect my children , and at the same time I had to switch the damn thing off. Why?  I felt too scared. Fearful for my children who have to weave their way through obstacles each day.  

I was so angry that these men (not excusing the women who also do this) felt that children were fair play for their perverted pleasure. What I would do to some man who tried that s.... with my kids?  Only God He know! Sometimes I don't watch the news because there seems to be so much bad news or sensationalising of issues that are not fully discussed and need more than a headline to understand the story from the different viewpoints that make it whole. There are reports of missing, abducted, raped and abused young people, right now looking at the television I see stories of girls that are either missing, found dead after they have been missing or being preyed upon. I think it might be better to lock mine up! But how can I do that ? I have to learn how to teach them to be safe whilst all the time I'm trying to push the panic down that keeps rising in my chest.  What kind of thing is that? 

When you're not seen to  discipline your child then you're a 'bad' parent.  You're too liberal and your children are spoilt.   And no one likes a spoilt brat! Don't get me wrong  I can't tolerate  children who don't  have manners. Please and thank you go a long way regardless of your heritage.  Or if you're seen to be 'too strict' then you're labelled aggressive, overbearing and seen as not a good mother. If you hit your children trying to discipline them people want to get involved , call police or threaten to report you to social services  but really if you then don't hit them some feels it's OK to say to you  "you need to give them a lick to settle dem". REALLY!  If I follow  this line of thinking I would be in a mad house .... and that's the truth! 

Parent bashing happens all the time. in the media in the playground, on the bus, in the supermarkets everywhere. I 'm not gonna sit here and say that I haven't been quick to judge some parents who  I have seen 'acting out' in public places. How do you cope with the guilt? How do you cope with judging others? How do you cope with the rising fear? How do you balance it all? So what is the answer?

Well according some recent on- line research that I have done about the best earning blogs. I am suppose to package here that I have the answers or a programme that you can tap into that will help you. The truth is sometime you just want to cut through the crap  and get a clean answer.  I'm not selling some book with guides on how to...... (well not yet anyway) because I have bought these books and few have told me things that I hadn't already known. But I needed to spend the money to justify  what I knew all along. Some didn't  help me at all because they are from a view point that did not take into account my cultural lens. I have found that my answers have come from .........." time and within" (C) (My slogan).  Answers have come with time. They have come when I  have been willing to ask myself what I have learnt from the incident or experience. Believe me I have nuff experience and story to tell. I guess the hardest thing to do is to  do what I feel to be right  in my heart. 

 At the end of the day (yes I hate that saying too but)....... I'm just gonna do me.

I can't tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do. All I know is I'm the one living with the guilty feelings and playing the balancing act. (Warning lots of I coming up)  I'm the one that my children come home to and who they ask most of their questions to. I'm not ashamed to tell them  I don't know stuff  and we all find out together. The real question is what am I setting them up for? In my eyes I'm setting them up to interact in a world where YOU reside. In all honesty its most likely I will not be here in 20-50 years. What I hope to leave behind are my offspring and they need to cope. So I am gonna do me. This is my voice, My parent voice. 

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