Change Ready or Not

freeimage.com I start by saying that I know that ‘Exam season’ is really for those who are actually taking exams but as this is my first time as a parent of a  child taking their GCSE’s. I think I am experiencing some kind of ‘hell’ and I’m sure other parents are feeling the strain too. So for us it is our ‘exam season’.   I’m in ‘hell!’ Well I think I’m in ‘hell'. I mean if  ‘hell’ is walking on egg shells in the heat of the mid day sun then I’m there!   I knew it was coming but knowing and being prepared are millions of miles apart from each other. Aren’t they? May and June are the suffering months and I’m bang in the middle of it all. Every day, in some form or another, I feel like I’m in a realm of uncertainty.   I’ve got to check myself ‘cause it seems that I am operating in the twilight zone.   Somethings feels like reality and all too swiftly things change and I realise that I have been fooled.   Just when I thought it was alright o...

Rooftop: we arrived So  a friend and I went to a rooftop party in the neighbourhood around July. This was the second time that I had attempted to go to this event.   I was glad that this time I  had made it and had some good  company. You know good company is priceless because even if the party is rubbish you can still have a good time chatting, laughing and dancing to whatever music  they manage to play that gets your feet moving. Music promised to be 'tight' , in other words good, and I was wearing flats (a bonus). I was ready to throw down.  The days of dancing in heels is over for me. Sad but true. Anyway had free ticket,  had to get in there by a specific time and was raring to get into the party spirit. Whilst I'm not fussed about paying I think that I have reached that point now where I really want to access some good stuff for free. I mean for the years of contributing and paying I am due some freeness and good free events at that ! ...

freeimages.com I think that the answer to this question is simple. Don't you? I mean we are all cowards to a certain extent. I was recently challenged by someone, that I just met who stated that I was a coward because I   didn’t want to engage with him. The truth is yes I was a coward.   When you come to me with drama why the hell would I want to engage in that? Would you? Oh I hear some of you say that it depends on the drama and I guess you’re right.   Some drama help you to grow. Granted. But after the year I have had i just don't want another drama to add to the pile. Am I a coward for wanting an easier start to my year? No because I know that we still have x amount of days to the year ahead and some dramas I wont be able to avoid whilst   others I can. So if I choose not to face this particular matter am I really being a coward or am I being wise?   I don't know but one thing I do know is that my motto “not today’ has started.   If I can avo...

Where have I been?   Reyna Biddy's quote says it best ........ “Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from everyone + everything and recoup. sort out your thoughts. listen to your heart. breathe. read a book. write about how much your life has sucked - then write about how much you can’t wait to see the positive changes. relearn yourself. accept all the hurt you’ve been through. forgive anyone and everyone who’s hurt you. even if that means doing it within, and never physically or verbally reaching out. let go. & rejuvenate. take a step away from the chaos, and find peace. within.”       Reyna Biddy So sorry I've been missing but understand that sometimes you just need to withdraw.  I'm on a journey. I have been been focused a little on my inside being and now part of that  phase is coming to an end. Sometimes I needed to be distracted. I needed to feel the stretch of growth.  I needed to feel the panic of distance. I needed to f...

FreeImages.com Recently someone I know posted on Facebook that after 24 years of working they have been made redundant and handed their P45. I felt sad as I read it because it brought back memories for me of 2012  when,  due to budget cuts and consistent organisational restructuring,  I had enough and applied for redundancy. Now was this any different to my friend because I had applied for it? The answer is No. The emotion of loss, deflation, depression, sadness and feelings of worthlessness that are connected wth this whole process are the same. I remember having to coach myself into reminding myself to understand that the post had been made redundant. The post was redundant not me.  If I continued to say that I was redundant  I  think I might have become even more  depressed and unable to function. Looking back I can see that I felt deflated, lacked confidence and didn't know what I wanted to do anymore. I had lost my passion for teaching, ma...

freeimage.com You know I really don't have a funny story to tell or jokes to relay the fact that I am hacked off that when it suits people my children, aged 12 and 14,  are considered adults. Then in the next breath, when it suits them again, they're no longer adults but children. I am talking specifically about airlines and some holiday companies. Every website that I search on wants to know how old my children will be on their return journey home. What difference does that make? When  I book the holiday is the key isn't it?  How old they are when I book or, at best,  when we begin our travel should be the focus but it's  not. Anyway for them to make money! I guess I should look on the bright side. That being a single parent my 14 year old will entitle me to a 2 adults and 1 child  deal, when they deem my 12 year old is still a child, which should result in some kind of discount. Really? That is short lived espeically  when you get to the hote...