Exam Season: a parent perspective
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My eldest is taking her GCSE’s. Some are on the so called old specification while some are the new 2017 specification. What the heck that means is confusion for me but then again (I’ll come back to that), I’ve been so far removed from taking exams that all I have are the distant memories. Some of those memories were good while other memories were bad!
I guess this is the season when our kids can be most susceptible to drugs, alcohol, sex and food as they try to find different ways to cope with their pressure/stresses. Choose one it’s the norm. I’m an emotional eater and that’s not just due to exams so how do you think our kid copes?
The hardest things is letting the child be. Patience is my new 'friend'. She, I mean my daughter, revises with
music on in the back ground. Well it feels like its really in the foreground! TV and music mixed together or sometimes she is watches something on her laptop whilst she is revising! I get involved trying to give some advice or
counsel about giving herself space to think and reflect. I try to remind her how to do
her own revision and give her some antidotes to warn or give confidence. When
she listens to me I feel valued and I feel like I have added to her understanding and
really contributing to her success. Lol. I get frustrated when she wouldn’t
listen to my 'excellent suggestions' and when I offered to take her to school for her morning exam I thought she would feel so supported. But am I wrong? Was I wrong?
I am left to
manage my emotions. So many emotions are twirling around trying to rip themselves
through my body, out of my mouth and hoping to bounce all over the walls
and spill into my child who I think is acting demonic in my presence. I
already know that some of my emotions can do more harm than good and right now
I feel I could easily rip the head off the beast who is my exam child. Yes, the
one who is talking rudely to me, the one who ignores me and has her head in
exam papers, writing mind map charts and putting them all over my decorated
walls. The one who no longer tidies up after themselves but walks away from the
mess and leaves a trail of chaos in each room. The one who screams at you if
you dare to pick up some papers to tidy them up and she screams at you and
storms off cussing that you are messing with her system. That she knows where things
are and how I ‘don’t understand'. The
child who on an ordinary day could be a little reasonable but today back chats
and talks to me like she is the adult in the house. This brings to mind when my mother used to say to me “ two adults can’t rule in this house”. I am the mother who is fighting to hold her ‘shit’
in check because I already know they can do more harm than good ( oh yes I've said that already ). There are
moments when I could really do with dragging on a fag. Then I remember that I
have given up smoking. Oh well the cheesecake should do then.
The dishes are piling up day after day and I watch it and
then get busy washing and tidying the place. I go shopping to ensure that
snacks and treats are in the house so she has stuff while she revises (and i can have food to snack on too). I make
sure that foods for breakfast are in the house so that she can eat prior to
going to school. Any appointments or socialising is done around her schedule so
that if I am needed I am on standby. I mean I still live and fit things in that
I need to but the desire to be home seems stronger. The desire not to be
distracted is strong. I bet she wishes I would go out and not hang around
instead I am there trying to measure what I say and do. When it gets too late
I’m the one who says it’s time for bed as she has a busy day tomorrow. She
already knows. When she seems to be revising one subject only I am the one that
says she needs to move onto another subject. She knows. When she triumphantly said
“ I know what I’m gonna do I am going to revise before each exam so I’m going
to do only English all weekend because the exam is on Monday!’. I’m the one that panics and looks at the exam
timetable realising that she has exams every morning and they are not all
English. I suddenly realise she is talking about cramming the night before the
exam! My own memories come flooding back and I want to change that pattern. But how do you do that
without crushing her ‘tata’ moment?
Diplomacy ran out the window. Sod that. I told her a straight "no that is not
happening!" I didn’t think it was wise to give one subject all her time when she
had different subjects each morning. She got pissed and left the room suddenly
and that is the last I saw of her. I’m sorry I just could not hold that one in.
I decide not to follow her to explain myself (something I would have done
before) after all it's Wednesday and she has two exams the next day. I took a breath and started looking for past
exam papers online because I have a plan and that is she has to be prepared. I
think I will just get on my knees and pray and I will ask others to pray. I
will get on with my day and just pray. So tomorrow came and we prayed. She didn’t
want a lift from me to school. So, I just prayed. I understand the rejection of
the offer. Who wants to hear me give my pieces of advice or wisdom early in the
morning when you already got your own panic that you’re swallowing. Handling your own worries. You really don’t need me
on top of all that. So, I felt useless. That feeling I have to handle. The only thing I feel I can do is encourage and
support. So when I finished my day job, the one that pays the bills, and then google search the net to find past exam papers for chemistry modules C4,5 6 & 7, English (specimen
paper only) Chinese (reading and listening), physics P1,2,3 etc and begin to print.
Stop! I think I make that sound too easy because it
not. I’ll be back….
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